Happy Super Tuesday Y'all

So I'm sitting in my liberal apartment in the liberal Democratic SHARP left turn of the state of Massachusetts. Watching the Super Tuesday results roooooollllll in (by the way Santorum has 12% here in MA of course we hate him).

As expected Romney is sweeping his way across the PriCaucusi, snagging Virginia, Vermont, Massachusetts (uhduh), Ohio and Oklahoma. Santorum has Tennessee (jealous, Romney?) and Newt Gingrich probably has a box of tissues at his side. I'm sure Ron Paul has changed the channel by now. 

Newt Gingrich is giving another condescending speech to the audience, ever the bored bitchy teenager complaining to her friends while his wax statue of a wife stands next to him trying to avoid open flame. Don't light your cigarettes near Callista. I bet Santorum is googling 'how babies r made,' because it just makes him so mad and Romney is burning money and laughing since that's how he winds down after a long day.

I can't believe someone hasn't slapped a muzzle on Santorum yet since it's as if every statement that comes out of his mouth is something he picked because he closed his eyes and pointed at a page from the bible. How does somebody being considered for an actual influential position in 2012 get away with saying that rape victims should be forced to have their rapists baby, or that women in combat might compromise a situation because of their emotions. Or that Obama saying that he wants every American child to go to college makes him a SNOB. Seriously who edits this guys speeches? People actually applauded that. Yeah, you're right elitist Obama wants all of America's children to have the opportunity for higher education that is soooo snobby. I can't even believe he wants to make it possible for every child to have the same opportunity that is just a perfect example of the exclusionary and discriminatory behavior generally associated with snobbery PFFT. GOD, Obama. Not everybody is so goddamn fancy as you are. 

Every time Santorum opens his mouth plenty of people who write their opinions on these issues takes to their laptops in a blind fury, and this is not the time to digress into a full fledged rant because this is a holiday after all, but I will for the record express my disbelief at the fact that he is still awkwardly explaining his backwards and extraordinarily detrimental values to anybody who will listen. Oh, and he also said he plans to retroactively nullify all gay marriages in the 8 states that allow them so, we have that to look forward to in the quantum universe in which Santorum has a chance.