Still waiting for the war on reality TV.

So, guys. It's looking like Romney is going to be our GOP candidate. As soon as you finish picking your JAWS up off the floor, I'd like to discuss the War on Women, because I think it warrants even more attention.

I guess one could call this Santorum's final joke on Romney...he created a war on women during his campaign, and then dropped out so that Romney could scramble to pick up the pieces and try to convince women that he doesn't hate them and would they just please please vote for him because he spent a lot of money on his smile coach and if he loses and runs again he's going to be unfriended from the GOP. So once again, as is Romney's fate, his party has villainized something that Romney has to awkwardly stand for and against. I don't believe Romney gives one mansion whether women get equal pay or free abortions or insurance covered birth control. It sucks for him that he now has to explain himself for an idea his party propogated. But here we go, and actually being one of those central to this debate I find it particularly interesting to watch.

The one thing the Republicans are trying is to make it seem as though Obama DOESN'T support women, which is a classic tactic - create a massive campaign about a social issue involving women and when women don't like it pretend the other guy did it first. They're claiming women lost more jobs than men during the recession.

A. Obama didn't cause the recession he inhereted it from his great great grandfather, Iraq War. It isn't entirely fair to pretend that it's his recession, and whatever happened after the point of impact between the stock market and America's concrete floor was already in motion.

B. What on earth could Obama have to do with women losing more jobs than men. That's like blaming your coach for the fact that you were picked last in kickball.

So now we are going to sit through this tedious debate about whether he's going to get women voters or not. And this is where the whole Conservative Backlash comes into it. The bible belt loved Santorum, the deep south had Santorum themed birthday parties and I'm sure they printed tshirts with his face at Jesus camp. This was great for preserving the archaic ideas of conservatism. Yay for conservatism, now let's exit the B.C. era and discuss what this means for modern day America. They now have to convince American women that wanting to take away all your rights and revert to a patriarchical society doesn't mean we HATE you, come on you guys are being dramatic. So overly emotional.

Actually it's interesting that these candidates and pundits created the War on Women, coined the name and created all of the controversy, and women had nothing to do with it's conception (insert pun here) we just watched the horror unfold. Sort of an absurd situation to be in - you just decided that you are going to argue about how much I am allowed to matter and suddenly, I couldn't possibly matter more to you. Somebody has to appreciate the joke here.

But more to the point there is something disheartening about watching the candidates grovel for my vote. Shouldn't you people have not put me in this position to begin with? Why am I having to listen to you defend your support for women, why are women the ones getting picked out of the crowd here. There is an understanding of wanting certain minority votes - the Hispanic vote, the African American vote, etc. And that's because these groups of people are part of relatively underrepresented but powerful groups that could be the push needed to move an election one way or another. That's understandable, you want to move the needle slightly in your favor. What isn't understandable is why you are now trying to convince a group that makes up most of America that you don't actually hate us. Think about that - if all women voted one way or all women voted another way all of the time, there would no longer be a democracy. It would be a Femocracy. Again I find the humor in a debate about how many rights women should be given and what rights should be taken away, or how much women are allowed to matter. Maybe this is the kind of thing that should have entered the minds of candidates and controversy mongerers when they decided to wage a war on the majority of America.

As such I find it condescending to listen to them all discuss why we actually matter to THEM. Because that's the issue here - how much does Mitt Romney want women to have rights? What has Obama does lately that's helped women? I'd love to know when I can shut off my tv and take for granted that I can achieve whatever I'd like to without having to be reassured that a discussion of my rights is in my best interest.

April showers bring crushed Republican dreams

So the news has just broken, along with bible belt hearts across the country, that Rick Santorum has suspended his presidential bid. I bet Romney will throw himself a party to celebrate, and the music will be the sighs of relief from all women, democrats and gay individuals. Romney's new best friends.

Gingrich is pulling along, as he is inclined to do, so that there is a real conservative in the race still. He could just not show up at all I'm not sure many people would notice. Not that Romney makes a huge impression but it's not like anybody is looking at what's behind him anymore.

It's not as though it's going to be an easier ride for Romney from here on out, though. Now all of the attention will be on him and we all know how Romney usually conducts himself under the spotlight. Let the awkward comments roll.


Winter is coming, Mitt.